Thursday, April 14, 2011

Funny One Liners

I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in, and she said: Cheque Books.

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new cars.

What is the difference between men and pigs? 

A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.

Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

Q: What's the diff between mother & wife?
A: One brings you into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

Santa enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why?
A: Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.

A rich man's car was hit and he asked with an accented and polished voice, 'who is hitting MY CAR?' while a poor man's car was hit and he asked with a terrified voice, 'who is hitting ME for God's sake?'.



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