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How the Internet began

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.


And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?" 


And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"


And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began.

A Highway through a Building !!!

The Japanese are unstoppable........ 


A Highway through a Building !!!! 


Gate Tower Building is a 16-story office building in, Osaka, Japan. And what makes it notable is the highway that passes through the 5th-7th floors of this building. 


The Gate Tower Building is Japan’s first building to have a highway pass through it. And it had been nicknamed "beehive" referring to its appearance as a "bustling place". 


The expressway is the tenant of these floors. The elevator doesn't stop on floor 5th-7th, floor 4 being followed by floor 8. These floors consist of elevators, stairways, machinery and other stuff. 


The highway passes through the building as a bridge, held up by supports next to the building, making no contact with the building itself. 


The building has a double core construction, with a circular cross section and special care is taken by providing surrounded structure to the highway to protect the building from noise and vibration. Generally expressways are built underground, and passing through a building is an extremely rare occasion. 


It dates back to 1983, when the redevelopment of this area was decided upon, "building permits were refused because the highway was already being planned to be built over this land. The property rights' holders refused to give up, and negotiated with the Hanshin Expressway Corporation for approximately 5 years to reach the current solution." 

A woman writes to the IT Technical Support.....

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
_______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________


REPLY:

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. 

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT in any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. 

We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

The Husbands' Store!!

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.  Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

WELCOME TO THE HUSBANDS' STORE!!

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!  There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the Shopper ascends the flights.  There is, however, a catch... you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
       
  
Happy Shopping!!!!


So, a woman goes to the Husbands' Store to find a husband...
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:


 Floor 1:    These men have jobs and love the Lord.


The second floor sign reads:


Floor 2:    These men have jobs, love the Lord, and like kids.


The third floor sign reads:


Floor 3:    These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids and are extremely good looking.


'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.  She goes  to the fourth floor and sign reads:


Floor 4:    These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.


'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'  Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

 Floor 5:    These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the  housework, and have a strong romantic streak.


She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:


Floor 6:    You are visitor no. 4,363,012 to this floor. There no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.  

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.  Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day! 

--

I think this also applies to us men. At times we keep searching until we are past all of them.

Human Brain Analysis

Women - Multiple process

Women's brain is designed to   concentrate on multiple tasks at a time.
Women can Watch TV and Talk over phone and cook the new recipe.

Men - Single Process

Men's brain is designed to   concentrate on only one work at a time. Men cannot watch TV and talk over the phone at the same time. He stops the TV while Talking. He can either watch TV or talk over the phone or cook.

LANGUAGE.

Women can   easily learn many languages. Her brain sets up but cannot find the solutions to problems.

Men cannot easily learn languages but he can easily solve problems.

A 3 year old girl has three times higher vocabulary than a 3 year old boy.

ANALYTICAL SKILL

Men's brain has lots of space for handling analytical process. So easily he can analyze and find the solution to a process.
He can design (blue print) a map of a building easily.
If a complex map is viewed by women, she cannot understand it. She cannot understand the details of the map easily.
For her it is dump of lines in a paper.

CAR DRIVING.

While driving a car, men's analytical spaces are used in his brain. He can drive a car fast. If he sees an object at long distance, immediately his brain classifies the object's (bus or van or car) direction and speed of the object and he drives accordingly. Whereas women take a long time to recognize the object's direction/speed. His single process mind stops the audio in the car (if any), then concentrates only on the driving.

You can often watch, while men are driving the car fast, the women would sit next to him and shout, "GO SLOW" , "CAREFUL", "AAHHH", "OHH GOD.." ..etc..

LIE

Many times, when men lie to women face to face, they get caught easily. Her super-natural brain observes the facial expression 70%, and the body language 20% and the words coming from the mouth 10%. So he is easily caught while lying.

Men's brain does not have this. Women easily lie to men face to face.

So guys, While lying to your girls, use phone, or letter or close all the lights or cover your/her face with blanket.

PROBLEM.

End of day, if men have lots of problems, his brain clearly classifies the problems and puts the problems in individual rooms in the brain and then finds the solution one by one. 

You can see many guys looking at the sky for a long time. If you disturb him, he gets irritated.

 
End of Day, if women have lots of problems, her brain cannot classify the problems. She wants someone to hear that. After telling everything to a person she goes happily to bed. She does not worry about the problem being solved or not.


WANTS

Men want STATUS, SUCCESS, solutions, big process... etc
Women want RELATIONSHIP, friends, family...etc...

UNHAPPY

If women are unhappy with their relations, they cannot concentrate on work.
If men are unhappy with their work, they cannot concentrate on the relations.

MAP

Men can easily locate the place in a complex map. His analytical brain does this.
While watching a cricket match in a stadium full of crowd, men can leave his seat to tea shop and keeps everything in his mind and comes back to his seat without problems. He uses his analytical skills space of brain.
Women can't do this. They often lose their way to their seat.

LIFE

Life is very easy to Men. One good job, (one alcohol bottle is enough for them - optional)
Women want everything in life.

SPEECH
 
Women use indirect languages in speech.
Merlin asked Sam, "Sam do you like to have a cup of coffee?"
This means, Merlin wants a cup of coffee.

Men use direct language. "Merlin, I want to have a cup of coffee, pls stop the car when you see a coffee shop".

HANDLING EMOTION

Women talk a lot without thinking.
Men act a lot without thinking.
That's why many of prisoners are men all over the world.

The U in JesUs

Before U were  thought of or time had begun,
God stuck U in the name of His Son.

And each time U pray, U'll see it's true,
You can't spell out JesUs and not include U.

You're a  pretty big part of His wonderful name.
For U, He was born; that's why  He came.

And His great  love for U is the reason He died.
It even takes U to spell  crUcified.

Isn't it  thrilling and splendidly grand?
He rose from the dead, with U in His  plan?

The stones  split away, the gold trUmpet blew,
And this word resUrrection is  spelled with a U.